8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
