Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
