I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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