I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
