I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
