What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
