Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
