he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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