I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
