We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
