so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
