We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
