I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
