Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
