youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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