he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
