I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
