a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
