At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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