he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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