I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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