Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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