I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
