Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize