This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize