I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
