Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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