What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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