When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
