I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize