he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
