I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
