Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
