Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
