In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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