Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
