I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
