my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
