Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
