no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
