I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
