Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
