you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
