You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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