There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She announced her abortion via fbk
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
