Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
