I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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