I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
