you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
