Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
