I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
