the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
