I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
