how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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