Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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