i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize