Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sext me about skeletons
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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