So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
