Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Mom said you looked used
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
