yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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