i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
