I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
