yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
