I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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