i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just high enough for therapy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
