She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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