you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
