she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
