Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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