I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
