I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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