I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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