Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
is wine microwaveable?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
