I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
