Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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