How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
