I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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