Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
