My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
