Pappa wants mamma naked
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
