In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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