so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
