He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
