Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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