he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize