Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
