fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
