i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
