I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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