Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize