Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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