did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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