im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
