If that was your dad, he is hot
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
