What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
