You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
