Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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