i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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