OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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