I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
