He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
