the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't deserve a penis
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
