yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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