just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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