Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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